★★★★★
It’s Wednesday lunchtime – time for the weekly political performance of Prime Minister’s Questions. After a tumultuous 24 hours, would Boris be able to tame the raucous crowd? Find out in our weekly PMQs gig review.
Read last week’s, here.
Boris’ songs have been out of tune for a while now. Even he would surely acknowledge that he’s been suffering something of a creative torpor. His recent releases – ‘Helping Ukraine’ and ‘Getting On With The Job’ – have grown tiresome, lacking the edge of earlier tracks that propelled him to Number 10 in the charts.
While these subpar performances disappointed countless fans and backbench promoters alike – many of whom demanded a change in front man – Boris clung on. Crucially, throughout, he retained the support of key members in his Tory ensemble.
Now that’s all changed. Losing the polished Rishi on co-vocals, and the steady Sajid on bass, is devastating. Losing them on the eve of this most important of performances surely scuppered any setlist he had for today’s show. The last minute disappearance of the ever-present Michael Gove on harmonica must have only complicated things further.
You could see Boris trying to salvage it from the get go. He kicked things off with old Tory classics, pulling on the patriotic heartstrings, wishing the best to the Lionesses at the Euros and again pledging tax cuts for the masses. It was always just putting off the inevitable, however. Everybody knew what was coming. The Commons Chamber stage was set. The crowd was baying and they wanted blood. An all time classic PMQs was about to begin.
It fell to Sir Keir, so long insipid in his face-to-face opposition, to get the attacks underway. Arguably as important a performance for him as it was for Boris, Starmer’s bark finally found its bite this afternoon.
‘What A Pathetic Spectacle’ stung; ‘The Charge of the Lightweight Brigade’ also hurt; ‘Z List Cast of Nodding Dogs’ succeeded in laying blame at the entire government, and not Boris alone. Yes, Keir had been served the perfect platform on which to deliver, but these diss tracks were all new renditions, and each one was inflicted with the perfect balance of venom and gravitas.
When Boris attempted to counter with the new song, ‘He Should Hear What His Lot Say About Him’, Keir’s ‘We’ve Heard It All Before’ and ‘We Know Who You Are’ silenced him. When Boris attempted to justify his position with ‘Focusing On The Things That Matter,’ Keir was unrelenting. It has the potential to be a career-defining performance for the lead singer of The Opposition – for so long an outfit deemed lacking in either the style or substance to compete with The Conservatives.
It’s funny how, for all the controversies to have plagued the band with Boris at the helm, an unreleased song may be what topples their empire. ‘Pincher By Name, Pincher By Nature’ was reportedly written by Boris during his time playing second fiddle. Now, its inflammatory lyrics are coming back to haunt him.
Soon, too, was Sajid Javid. As if last night’s departure wasn’t enough, the former friend made an unexpected, last minute appearance on stage, belting out a ten minute outro that will long live in the minds of anybody there to witness it. It was firm but fair, Javid barely missing a note, in an evisceration that dismantled any tenuous authority Boris had left.
“Treading the tightrope between loyalty and integrity has become impossible in recent months”
Conservative MP Sajid Javid tells MPs why he quit as health secretaryhttps://t.co/ifteiPp1h1 pic.twitter.com/zh4myvInjL
— BBC Politics (@BBCPolitics) July 6, 2022
As Sajid went on, the PM sunk further and further into his seat. Famously, as London Mayor, Boris uttered the immortal insult, “[You] great, supine, protoplasmic invertebrate jellies.” Today, however, it was he who found himself the hapless creature stranded on its back, the spotlight glaring down, Boris stranded on centre stage, unable to wriggle free. The blonde mop fell flatter; the untucked shirt hung lower. Any humour behind the on-stage appearance was eroded. He just looked dishevelled.
The instant Sajid’s song finished, Boris beelined for the door. The parting chants of ‘Bye Bye Boris’ rang through the stadium. That we never see Boris on this stage again now seems a distinct possibility.
If this was indeed the last time, it was a hell of a spectacle on which to bow out. It is not atypical to feel the hostility in the House of Commons, but the disdain that surrounded Boris today was something else. This was PMQs at its most dramatic, with implications far beyond the halls of Westminster.
